Scary TV. That's the best title I could come up with.

The Weeping Angels, a.k.a. the Lonely Assassins.

Imagine, if you will, wandering around a large, run down house. Scattered throughout the rooms are large stone statues of angels, angels whose faces are covered by their hands, making them appear to be weeping. Entering a room, you notice one in the corner. You take your eyes off it for a second, and when you have turned your focus back to it, it is an inch away from you, and it is no longer weeping. Creepy shit, that.

I'm melting!!!

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Conversations with Dead People".
I was talking to a co-worker of mine who seemed to feel that this episode was not really scary at all. He continued to feel this way until I reminded him of the scene in the Summers kitchen, where the only response to Dawn's queries, "Mom? Are you okay?" and "Are you alone?" were house-shaking two-bang "NOs". That scene alone made me long for a pair of adult diapers, but when Joyce appears on the couch, looking very, very dead, while what the writers at TWOP called a "frogman" crouched over her, I was seriously freaked out. I think the picture of Joyce in all her dead glory should help to bolster my case for this episode.

This is pretty much what I look like when I watch TV, minus the snow-white eyes.

Dr. Who, "The Time of Angels".
Yet another Dr. Who episode featuring the Weeping Angels. The creepiness of these things cannot be understated people. It might sound stupid: an angel statue that can only move when you aren't looking at it, but trust me, it is. This is a Season 5 episode, and I don't want to give away too much lest there be a fan out there who has yet to catch up, but I will say this: being trapped with an angel statue while the light is failing would rank among my least favorite ways to die. Just in case anyone's reading this late and night and is thinking, "Hmm... I don't really want to go another night without a nightmare", here's a clip. Enjoy, my babies! P.S. I don't know why it got cut off, my best efforts to correct this were unsuccessful. Sorry.

That's why you should never sit too close to the TV.

Dr. Who, "Flesh and Stone".
Sigh. I really love the Weeping Angels as a villain. They can't die! They move faster than light, provided no one's looking at them! They are assassins! This episode is marginally less creepy than "The Time of Angels", but any time they show the angels' slow progression towards their intended victims, the result is absolutely brilliant. I'll shut up about the angels now, partly because there aren't any more episodes featuring them.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Hush".
Ah, yes. This episode was, in my mind, fantastic. I was disappointed to find out that the actors actually spoke their lines and the sound was removed later. I would have been slightly more impressed if they had actually done the whole episode how it appears. Anyways, Doug Jones plays one of the Gentlemen, and can that guy do wrong, at least when it comes to creepy-ass thin men? I think not. The grotesque smiles stretched across their faces are so awesome. In a scary way. The scene where Tara sees them zooming towards her from across campus, flanked by their little shackled "Igors" gets me every time, even though I know it's coming. I always get this intense sense of dread whenever I see it.

If you're happy and you know it....

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Forever".
A lot of these episodes only have one or two really spooky scenes, and this one doesn't differ in that respect. The level of spookiness achieved is pretty stellar, and so that's why they've been selected. This episode was actually kind of boring to me for most of it (sorrrrry....), but late in the episode it's revealed that something (likely) wicked the Summers' way comes. I really, really, really, really understand the bargaining stage of grieving. I really understand the intense feeling of frustration that comes with realizing that no matter how much you beg, plead or threaten, what you want most is what you can't have. I get it. But I draw the line when the only way to bring back a deceased loved one is to bring them back as a zombie. It's traumatic enough to see them dead the first time. Having to fight them off as they attempt to relieve you of your pesky, weighty brains is quite another.

This is, obviously, NOT a screenshot from "Forever". It is one of Google's image results, however, and it is rather creepy.

I realize these are all "Buffy" and "Dr. Who" episodes. This makes me think that A) I seriously need to start watching more TV (except that I really, really don't) and B) I apparently harbor a deep-seated phobia of statues. All statues (or very nearly all) kind of give me the heebie-jeebies. And that word, "heebie-jeebies" is way too much fun to say, especially if you say it like King Julian from "Madagascar".